コミュ障あるある I Don't Like Myself

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once i was at a party where i met a guy
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who was talking about a cool video game
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i joined the conversation i wanted to be
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cool too
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and impress everyone around me i thought
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about what i would say
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and stop listening to the discussion
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instead of enjoying the party
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i was thinking about how best to show
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off
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finally i said something dumb about
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another video game
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no one paid any attention to it no one
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cared for me
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i said something they forgot in a second
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but for me
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it was a catastrophe i felt pathetic
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like i didn't belong at the party in
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this city
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on this planet i wanted to be cool
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be as confident as everyone else around
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me and try too
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hard to do that but i failed
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i only ever feel confident with my
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friends and put a mask in front of
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anyone else
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why is it some people don't do anything
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at all and everyone loves them
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it's not fair this isn't just about
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being independent on someone else's
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opinion
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or constantly thinking about how to
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better show myself
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low self-esteem creates many problems
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with different shapes and nuances
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people who depend on others opinions may
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also dislike themselves
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or believe they're not capable of
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anything
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people with low self-esteem can believe
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they will fail before they even try
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and if they do succeed in something they
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think they were just lucky
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this is called imposter syndrome when a
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person succeeds in something
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but doesn't believe they deserve it so
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for example
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you've written an article for a magazine
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you're sure that the article is terrible
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but people liked it
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maybe you've really managed to write
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something good nah
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you don't believe that most likely
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people didn't notice how terrible the
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article is
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you managed to deceive them this is
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impostor syndrome
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people who experience this often blame
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themselves for not trying hard enough
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while others are doing better sometimes
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they feel that
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reality is laughing at them once
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a guy was walking down the street before
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he noticed his shoelaces were untied
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he was sure many people had seen it he
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thought he heard them laughing at him
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even though they weren't this low
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self-esteem
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creates a subjective view of reality
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distorting it
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people see what isn't real and believe
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it there's no connection between their
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sense of reality and true reality
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low self-esteem forces us to create
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protective mechanisms
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that help us not get hurt someone may
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avoid confident people
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so they won't seem pathetic around them
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someone may think about what to say for
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a long time
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or remain silent because they're too
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afraid to seem stupid
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some people never enter into arguments
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because they know they will lose
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they don't undertake interesting
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projects because they're afraid of
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failure before they even try all of
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these things are protective mechanisms
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they're created by us unconsciously and
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take root
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so strongly that they become part of our
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personality
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low self-esteem can make people do good
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and bad things
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school bullies can suffer from low
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self-esteem
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they think deep inside that they're weak
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so they fight with people to prove
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otherwise
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fighting is their protective mechanism
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but many people succeed because of low
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self-esteem
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they may think their life is worthless
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if they don't earn millions of dollars
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or if someone has more money an
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obsessive desire for wealth
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is also a protective mechanism
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there are also people who can't refuse
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you ask them for anything and they'll
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help
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even if it isn't playing in their favor
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this is not a desire to please others
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but an obsessive desire to help another
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person
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because if they don't help they will
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feel terrible
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this is another protective mechanism and
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unfortunately
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these people are often used by others
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their goal is to take care of people
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because they don't know what to do with
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their lives
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people with low self-esteem are often
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forced to wear invisible masks
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so the world can't see what they really
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are with the help of protective
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mechanisms
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they constantly prove to themselves and
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everyone around
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that they are better than they seem
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people with stable self-esteem don't do
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this
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they don't wear masks and don't have to
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prove anything to anyone
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they don't feel bad about themselves and
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they don't have any protective
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mechanisms
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this raises a question where does low
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self-esteem come from
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i was an ordinary child my parents loved
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me very much
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and gave me only the best the best
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school the best college
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also i could get the best job and of
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course they spent a lot of money on me
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i went to a private school that was very
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demanding
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when i got good grades i was praised
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when i got bad ones
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i was punished i was used to it i felt
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good and
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confident when my parents were happy
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with me and bad
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when they were disappointed this went on
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for years
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and my self-esteem got used to a very
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simple algorithm of actions
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to be normal i must please others and
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this algorithm was with me all my life
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i felt great if other people liked me
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and was very sad
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when someone didn't but it's not always
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the parents fault
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a guy lost a fight when he was a kid
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everyone at school laughed at him
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this is how he developed bad self-esteem
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to hide it and protect himself
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this boy began to fight and bully the
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weaker ones
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it was the only way he felt confident
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another guy lived in a poor family his
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parents were not involved in his
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upbringing
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and he spent all day watching videos
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about rich people
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this gave him the firm belief that if he
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didn't become a millionaire
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he was nothing in this world his
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self-esteem
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suffered if he saw someone richer than
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himself so he sought to earn a lot of
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money
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a girl who grew up in a large family was
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the eldest of four sisters
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since childhood her parents demanded she
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take care of her younger sisters
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for years she took care of others and
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never thought about what she wanted
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and her parents praised her for it if
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she did something wrong
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she was scolded so her self-esteem
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became dependent on helping others
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when she grew up the girl found herself
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looking for others who needed help
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and people took advantage of her a lot
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of people
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events and injuries have shaped our
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self-esteem over the years
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it's like putting your hand on fresh
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cement
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over time the cement hardens and the
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mark remains
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if you've discovered the reasons for
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your low self-esteem
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what should you do next how do you stop
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using your protective mechanisms
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it's difficult but possible it involves
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long work on yourself the most difficult
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thing is to look into the eyes of your
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fear
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tell yourself it doesn't matter if
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someone doesn't like you
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it won't be a tragedy if the bully loses
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a fight
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a rich guy should recognize there will
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always be people richer than him
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and the girl should stop being afraid to
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refuse to help others
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don't blame yourself for something and
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don't attach great importance to your
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failures
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consider mistakes as an experience and
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as a way to get better
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pay attention not to your bad sides but
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the good ones
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yes this is easy to say and can be
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difficult to do
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but it's the only way to change
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it can be hard to remove the mass it can
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be difficult to accept yourself as you
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are and show yourself to others
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over the years you have developed low
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self-esteem
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and of course it can take years to form
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a good one
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but it's the way to find true freedom
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and you don't have to do it alone other
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people can help
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change for the better you'll experience
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good events that strengthen your
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self-confidence
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over time you will appreciate yourself
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more
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and stop depending on the opinions of
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others as soon as you start living your
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own life
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without a mask as soon as you love
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yourself for who you are
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you begin to notice that you attract
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people to you
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it will be pleasant yes but you won't
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attach much importance to it
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because you'll be busy living your life